Girl, Interrupted

If you’ve been reading along with my posts, you may already know that I’ve been wading through some emotional waters, sinking in some existential mud and rising up on some not-quite-fully-formed-but-definitely-in-progress dreams. This post will basically continue where I left off last.

I’m feeling HEAVY lately. There’s definitely some ennui and existential angst seeping into my current soup of feelings, and they are sending me such polarized side-effects as anxiety attacks and lazy escapist behaviors.

I still do believe this is all part of the unfolding of the transformational shift I am undergoing. Because it’s such a pivotal shift with deep identity-shaking ramifications, I am experiencing an internal tug of war between the welcoming of this shift and the resistance of it. It’s different winners on different days, but, lately, resistance has been taking the lead. The conscious parts of me aren’t too happy about this, but are doing their best to hold space for the resistance with grace, love and trust.

I’ve been reading a book recommended to me by my beautiful and wise sister. It’s called The Continuum Concept. It centers around how we humans (and all creatures of Nature) have evolved to expect life to unfold according to a continuum set forth by eons of adaptations for optimum living experience. However, over the past several generations, that continuum has been interrupted as we move further away from the Natural Order under the guise of civilization. (I am paraphrasing here, and will likely not do the book justice in my translation. I highly recommend reading the book if you find this idea at all interesting.)

The author explains that human infants have an innate expectation to be in constant contact with the mother’s (or other caregivers’) body at all times during the first stages of childhood. We are meant to experience life-in-progress via our caregiver’s going about their daily activities taking us along for the ride—much as one takes along a backpack. This allows us to observe the world in motion, and prepares us for what will be required of us when we begin to embark on our own self-led life experiences.

We are meant to be protected and provided for at all times so that our only responsibilities are to eat and poop, observe (visually and/or experientially) and sleep, and signal to our caregivers if those basic needs are not being met.

We are not designed to self-soothe by crying ourselves into a state of desperate defeat when separated from the safety of our caregiver’s body. In fact, if our continuum is uninterrupted, we have no reason to cry or wail at all. Instead, we feel safe and cared for, as expected, at all times, and our demeanor reflects that. We are not designed to be lying around alone and still in quiet inactive spaces. This does not teach us anything about life. We are meant to always feel safe, loved and a part of the community in order to develop into functional, confident, contributing members of that community as we age.

If our continuum is broken in those formative years, by not having those evolutionary needs and expectations met, we do not develop efficiently. We learn that we are not safe; that we will not always be provided for; that we are not lovable and do not belong.

And the worst of it is that when this happens, we tend to spend our lives unconsciously creating situations which keep us stuck in this lesser state of existence. It is how we first imprinted the experience of life, and, so, it is what we believe we are supposed to experience for the entirety of life.

Reading about this in such specific terms was hugely resonant for me. In fact, this very concept—in much vaguer shapes and strokes—has been presenting itself to me since before I even knew about this book. And in true synchronicity, the book came to me just when I needed it. It has been feeling so helpful to have my experience explained in a scientific psychobiological framework.

Throughout my life, I have repeated variations of the same pattern ad nauseam. I will notice myself getting motivated to bring more bliss into my life by doing things that I know feel good for me. I will start making progress with my efforts. I’ll feel amazing for a few weeks or so; only to then feel something inside me snap.

And, like clockwork, when the snap happens, I will find myself being compelled by some powerful, undefinable source to stop doing the things that elevate me in exchange for one or many of the old destructive behaviors that keep me from being my best. I can witness it happening, but cannot seem to overpower the urge to continue the downward spiral.

I’ve never understood why I was so powerless to change those behaviors, even (and especially) when I was aware of doing them, and aware of how much I didn’t want to be. It’s not as if these are even enjoyable experiences. They are just familiar and they keep me working at my imprinted status quo.

Thanks to The Continuum Concept, I have a clearer understanding of why I do this, and why it feels so impossible to act against it. I don’t feel that this clarity gives me license to just accept that this is what is and will always be. But I do feel like understanding the psychobiological underpinnings of this behavior allows me to have a little more grace with myself as I work to create a new imprint for myself.

This concept seems to layer nicely with Lacy Phillips’ Manifestation concepts. Her teachings include Shadowcraft and Reparenting programs which can help those of us with broken or interrupted continuums to rewrite those early imprinted stories. I gained a lot from working through her programs. Having created that foundation of deep inner reprogramming from my experiences with those workshops, I feel better equipped to dive in and start chipping away at that broken original imprint of what life is that was formed when I came into this world to an interrupted continuum experience.

So, now for the deep and intense interplay with my subconscious. Am I scared? Yup. Am I feeling resistance? Oh, hell yeah. Am I going to do my best to trudge forward anyway? Absolutely.

New Tech and Old Feelings

Since entering Pisces season, I have been feeling myself submerged in the watery depths of emotional intensity. The powerful undercurrent of feeling has been taunting me and daunting for me. It ebbs and flows, and seems to surface at the most unexpected of moments. 

I have found myself returning to old methods of distraction, despite my desire to do otherwise. Yet, I also have been feeling the pressing call to get back to my healthiest practices, and have had moments of riding high on the crests of these waves of bliss. 

It’s always strange to me how I can continue to be surprised by the fact that no matter how much emotional excavation I do, there will always be more to unearth … ALWAYS.

In my yoga practice this evening, the instructor was speaking of clearing the cobwebs and debris from the joints in the body as a way to clear the mind and the heart, as well. I could feel that direct correlation as I gyrated and hinged each joint to the fullest range of motion I could muster. I was creating space, creating ease, lubricating the places in my body that are designed to move freely, but that, over time and mindless use have become stiff and unyielding and compacted. It felt physically amazing, but I also felt those close places in my heart and mind beginning to expand and become more flexible and accepting, as well. 

Another interesting thing happened this week. Amid all the exhausting emotional experience, expressing and avoidance, my laptop died. 

My laptop is my bridge with the wider world. It is necessary for much of the work I do. It is where I plan my life; where I budget and balance my finances; where I connect with friends and family. It is where I go to find inspiration and to express myself. I turn to it when I need to understand something that is eluding me, or to learn more about something that piques my interest. In short, it is an important part of my life, my way of communicating with the world around me, and my ability to earn an income.

And it died. 

Goodbye, old friend.

I thought it was interesting that this tool that I spend so much of time and energy with on a daily basis was forcing an upgrade just as I was feeling my Soul forcing an upgrade with this emotional exodus that has been taking place within me. 

I knew I was going to have to upgrade sometime sooner than later. My laptop was old. In Mac years it was ancient. And I was planning to replace it in the near-ish future. But I thought I had at least another 6 months to get my proverbial house in order; to prepare for the sometimes daunting task of becoming intimate with a new device; and of transferring my information from the old machine to the shiny new replacement.

Alas, I am now in the process of trying to navigate all that on the fly. And in a weird way, it’s really good for me. I’m generally a turtle kind of person. I am a big of the slow and steady wins the race philosophy. I like to take my time when transitioning to something new. More specifically, I like to take my time preparing for transitioning to something new. But being forced to do it quickly and outside my comfortable zone of timing and preparation is a good reminder that I am capable. I can do this. And with just a small shift in perspective, I can experience this as an exciting adventure rather than a stressful setback. 

It is an opportunity to learn something new; an opportunity to catch up with new technology, which is likely to serve me well for the knowing. This sudden newness jolts me out of the complacency that inevitably tempts me to stay in the familiar and comfortable while limiting my growth and expansion.

I might make mistakes as I’m figuring it all out, but that’s fine. In fact, it’s helpful. It’s through failing that I am able to learn how to succeed.

This same attitude translates to my current state of emotional turmoil, too.

I call it turmoil, because it is definitely upsetting the smooth surface of equanimity I’ve been cultivating. But it isn’t a negative thing. Not at all. In fact, I consider it beautiful progress on my road to bliss. 

I spent most of my life suppressing my emotions. I would tamp down my feelings until they could be expressed at a level that felt acceptable to those around me, which sometimes meant not expressing them at all. They would get packed down further and deeper within me until I became so rigid from the containment of it all that my body wasn’t able to move so freely for fear of shaking one of these errant emotions loose.

It took ages for me to recognize that I was even doing this. And it’s taken ages more to try to shift the habit so that I am able to actually feel my feelings when they arise and express them in whatever ways feel complete and whole for me. I still haven’t fully mastered this ability, but I’ve come a long way, baby. And I feel confident that I will never revert to that level of extreme emotional subversion ever again.

Now, it seems, those old emotional experiences that have been tucked away like trash in a compactor for so many years are finally starting to stretch out and move to the surface to be released; to create space for something new, some shiny replacement. I imagine it will create more space for vitality, prana, the rich and beautiful life force that is our birth right.

My challenge, now, is to find the strength and perseverance to allow the expression of these emotions, despite the lack of preparation for it. It sounds simple enough, but it is proving to be harder than it sounds. I’m still getting comfortable expressing emotions as they are elicited. Adding to that emotions that are surfacing with no attachment to identifiable sources is, to say the least, a lot. 

Still, I am doing my best. I am showing up for myself as much as I can. And I’m forgiving myself when I fail. Just as with the new technology I’m learning, failure on this emotional journey will teach me how to succeed. If I start feeling some Big Feelings bubbling to the surface, and I feel overwhelmed by them, I might choose to turn to an old distraction and numbing method as a way to cope with it all. However, this will leave me feeling unsatisfied. I will feel emotionally unfulfilled and physically depleted. I can learn from that failure. I can make note of how that choice feels, and that I don’t really enjoy it. Then I can choose something else next time it happens. Eventually, I will find a way to express these emotions that feels safe and complete and freeing for me. And I will feel uplifted, healthier and happier as a result. 

And then, when I’m a pro at that, I’ll find another challenge awaiting me … if I’m lucky. This is just another experiment in bliss, after all.

Ashes to Ashes … Dust to Dust

 

(This post originally appeared on my professional website:  www.experiments-in-bliss.com.  Find additional information for living the blissful life of your dreams there.)

Transformation has long been a recurring theme in my life.  I feel like we are all always transforming, always evolving, growing, changing in some way or another.  Some of us do this with awareness and intention, others with complete obliviousness.  Still, change is constant.  However, sometimes change gets upgraded to CHANGE.  There are moments in some lives that herald intensely profound, fundamental, life-shifting transformation.  In Shamanic traditions, these profound shifts are often called dismemberments.

This is just as it sounds:  It is a total dismembering of the Self and Soul in which we tear apart the life and self-image we’ve spent a lifetime building to create space for the re-creation of a new life that more closely aligns with our soul’s true purpose.  It is sometimes light, easy, and enjoyable.  But, for many, it can be a heavy and confusing string of gut-wrenching challenges that can drag on indefinitely.  This puts me in mind of the Blondie lyrics:  “She’s so dull … come on, rip her to shreds!”

According to Tim at Alchemists Journal, “there are likely many degrees to which we experience a dismemberment reflected in our daily lives.  I’m sure it is often not even noticeable, just a graceful shift in course.  Sometimes, however, much greater transformation seems to be required, one in which every aspect of our lives is offered up for possible demolition.”  Either way, the outcome is a shiny new life of purpose and contribution and, presumably, bliss.  Tim continues:  “That’s … the reason we ultimately surrender to it:  Our soul is already awakened to the potential we are in the process of fulfilling.  As we are laid bare, reduced to the most fundamental aspects of ourselves, our soul’s calling can be much more easily heard.”

According to Nancy Sherwood of Traveller’s Joy, “dismantling anything takes time, and the ego does not like this loss.  But the Spirit can be strong, and can transform apparent death into rebirth.”  I liken this experience to the Tower card in the tarot.  It’s about totally leveling the foundational structures we’ve built for ourselves.  Everything we know to be true is challenged, questioned, scrutinized, and either validated, or deemed no longer relevant and discarded to make space for something better suited for the current environment.  Many people view the Tower card with fear and disappointment when it appears in a spread.  But I have always revered it as a great harbinger of Hope.  It’s an opportunity for refinement which, if taken, can lead to beautiful new experiences and greater ease on life’s journey.  Keeping this attitude during a period of dismemberment can be decidedly helpful.

Sherwood also makes an interesting point here:

“Space is defined as a feminine aspect in Buddhism, and form a masculine one. The dance between the two is what takes place here on earth, where form has been given such a major role that it is dismembering the earth itself.”

I understand her to be observing the imbalance created in our ‘civilized’ modern lives.  Where once we had much more balance between the feminine and masculine aspects of energy in our world, we now offer much more weight and power to the masculine – form over space, action over reception, external over internal, and, accordingly, extrospection over introspection.  Under this paradigm we are not only faced with the challenges inherent in a lack of natural balance, but our resources for how to process information and experience on an interpersonal level is diminished.

From a macrocosmic perspective, there seems to be some dismemberment work taking place in the world of late.  The #metoo movement, #blacklivesmatter, natural disasters, and upheavals in the political arenas are clear evidence of this.

On a personal, microcosmic level, I have been experiencing a very profound dismemberment adventure.  Upon my relocation to Austin, I joined a Shamanic women’s group in an effort to meet people, and reconnect with the spiritual community in the city and the spiritual community within myself.  Our group meets regularly for Shamanic Journeying as well as Goddess Culture exploration and celebration of the Divine Feminine.  It’s been very powerful and healing for me to be a part of this circle of women exploring our relationships to Spirit.  The journey work we do is very similar to the Internal Family Systems work I was doing just before I left Durham.  I’ve missed doing that IFS work, and am grateful to be exploring this kind of self-guided, but guide-supported internal work again.

During the past two journeying sessions I have had experiences of my physical body being completely dissolved into ash and crystal glitter dust, respectively.  Neither experiences were frightening for me. In fact, they were liberating and beautiful.  I felt safe and loved and protected the entire time.  When I shared my experiences with the group, one of my mentors told me about dismemberment journeys within the Shamanic school of thought.  This was the first time I had heard this particular phrase; though, of course, the idea of death and rebirth are shared by many of the world’s religions, myths, and cultures, and was very familiar to me.  Having this new lens through which to view my experience has been very enlightening.  I already was aware of the fact that I am in the midst of a long and drawn out transformation of some kind, but I, in my Ego-driven mind, assumed it was because I was actively making choices to create change.  And, while, to a certain degree, this true, it’s also hubristic.

When I look back over the past couple years, noticing the plans I’ve had and the way those plans were (or were not) made manifest, it is clear to me that I am not the primary driver here.  Every day I become more aware of new opportunities to come more fully into what I can only describe as my True Self.  And while it’s very hopeful and exciting, I also notice myself dipping into my bag of tried and true modes of avoidance.  These behaviors that I’ve picked up along the way to distract me from the discomfort of deep and powerful Change always show up when my Ego is feeling challenged for control of my life.  I am grateful for the awareness of it.  And I am hopeful for the strength to dismember those disruptive patterns, too.  I know my Soul is fierce and strong.  I also know she has the courage and fortitude to be soft if I can only let her.  (It’s this that seems to be most challenging for me.)  So, these visions in which I am being reduced to nothing but tiny bits of earth, and rebuilt as a more complete, updated version of myself provide me with invaluable encouragement that I am on the right path and I am equipped to succeed through this part of my journey.  I have a spiritual community available and willing to act as my support system.  I have a physical community available and willing to act as my support system.  And I can do this.

Should you find yourself in the midst of a dismemberment journey, whether gentle or brutal, you may find the following tools to be helpful.  Either way, I wish you love and strength and softness on your path!

TOOLS FOR NAVIGATING POWERFUL LIFE TRANSFORMATIONS:

• Seek out a professional guide.  This could be a Shamanic Healer, a mental health professional, a certified counselor, a religious teacher/advisor, or a group experienced with navigating big life changes.  Having this kind of trained guidance can not only provide comfort and structure to your transition, but it can make the experience much safer, too.

• Find some personal person support.  Tell a friend or family member what you are doing, and enlist their help when things are feeling challenging or during those times when you need to establish new routines and new ways of integrating with others.

• Practice some form of meditative strategy.  This can be Shamanic Journeying, or any other kind of meditative practice that resonates for you.  Since these kind of life-altering transformational shifts are often initiated by the Soul, it is helpful to have a vehicle in which you can regularly converse with your Soul in its own language.  Any ‘meta’ practice will do as long as you feel a connection to the spirit realm, or soul level, when you practice it.

• Document your experiences with Spirit.  I really enjoy journaling post-journey to document my experience.  I gain added insights when I go back and read, and re-read, those entries.  Some people like to paint, compose music, or choreograph dance.  The possibilities are endless.  Choose a form of documentation that feels powerful to you and that allows you to express your experience in a way that gives you access to it again and again.

• Pay Attention!  Start to notice your life more fully.  Be aware of new opportunities opening up for you.  Notice people, relationships, experiences coming into or leaving your life.  Be mindful about any learned habitual responses to the discomfort you may be experiencing.  And even search for signs of discomfort that you might be trying to bury in shadow.  This is a time of Change, and watching it all unfold with focused awareness can make for an incredibly rich and informative experience.

• Get out of the way.  It can be tempting to try to control everything that’s happening during these times of intense transition.  And it’s perfectly fine to be an active participant in your life.  But there’s a fine line between active participant and steamroller.  If you find your attempts at directing energy in a particular way are being thwarted at every turn, then maybe recognize that there may be a better direction for that energy.  Get out of the way and let Spirit guide you toward what that new direction is.

• Keep calm and carry on.  It may sound trite, but, really, the best thing you can do during this time, in my humble opinion, is to relax into it.  Try to keep a positive outlook, remembering that your Soul is guiding you to greater heights.  You are never asked to do anything more than what you are capable of doing.  And it really is going to be fine.  Sometimes when we stop struggling, we realize it was the struggle, not the situation, that was making things so unpleasant.  So, shift your gaze to the positive.  Become your own Pollyanna.  And enjoy the ride.

Once More With Feelings …

I’m feeling some deep, heavy feelings.  This moment feels choked with them, almost as much as my throat and my thought bubbles are.  I was wondering if it is a result of all this tension at Kanekiki, but when I sat with that thought, I discovered that those experiences are merely flavoring the soup … they aren’t the stock.

I have decided the best way for me to work through this emotional experience is just to dive into it and swim about and see what greets me.  This is never easy for me.  In fact, I think the fact that it isn’t easy is a huge component of what makes it so powerful and so necessary.  I feel Pele is working on me again.  It’s like she’s giving me one more big, beautiful, painful gift before I leave Her island.

And while I’m thinking about the fact that I’m leaving this place, I am recognizing that I have so much sadness and apprehension around this leaving.  I feel an umbilical attachment to this place that keeps telling me I haven’t finished feeding yet.

I feel a strong attachment to the idea of coming back here … sooner than later.  And coming back to Hilo, not Kanekiki.  While I appreciate so many of the charms of the farm and of Puna, it is not where my heart feels most full.  And it is only when I remove myself from it that I am able to fully recognize this.  I feel sadness for the sadness that this news might elicit from some of the people at the farm.  I feel a strong surge of gratitude for the relationships with which I’ve been gifted during my time there.

One thing I am feeling pretty strongly right now is a growing sorrow and anguish surrounding my relationship with one particular friend.  I’m feeling joy and love, too, though.  It’s become very clear to me how much I honor and appreciate this friendship.  Recently my friend set off to explore some new opportunities.  These explorations appear to be leading to a new path for my friend, one that is less concurrent with mine.  I am facing some strong feelings of personal irrelevance, separation anxiety, and even heartbreak.  I’m delighted that my friend is being embraced by a community that is supportive in so many new and wonderful ways.  I must be honest and confess that I also feel jealousy that I am not finding this for myself so easily.  And I feel some pretty unexpectedly powerful sadness at the idea that do not seem to have as prominent a place in my friend’s life now.

I recognize that this is part of the ebb and flow of life.  I recognize that sometimes we are aligned with certain people during certain experiences to share and gain certain gifts, and that once those gifts have been processed and those experiences navigated, it is sometimes time to move on to whatever comes next.  It is not definitive that this relationship is complete at this time.  But, either way, I am learning the importance of taking time to mourn when I have needs that do not get met, or do not get met in my preferred way(s).  It’s up to me to seek out other strategies for meeting my needs.  It is not for anyone else to meet my needs.  It is not for anyone else to provide for my fulfillment.  That is my job, and my job alone.  Others might willingly contribute to my joy as they are walking their paths alongside me, but, ultimately, only I can make sure I am making choices that bring me joy.

I’m in Hilo this Sunday morning.  On my own after two nights with some other friends here in town.  Tonight I stay in the hostel.  I’m having a second breakfast at a local cafe.  I’m writing my feelings and eating my meal amid the din and kinetic energy of the Sunday morning crowd.  I’m recognizing just how much soul nourishment I get from being here … being a part of the flow of the moment.  I feel more connected, right here, right now, to the world community and the flow of life than I have in all my time at the farm.  What a strange and unexpected awareness.  What a welcomed clue to help me make the decisions soon awaiting me.

This is becoming clear:  I don’t want to invest in Kanekiki.  I don’t want to commit to one particular way of life or way of being.  I don’t want to root down in any one particular place.  (How many times must I learn this lesson?)  I want to experience so much more.  I want to make my decisions in the moment, as options arise and as my feelings and needs dictate.  

I am choosing to eat a cooked [vegan] breakfast this morning without shame or guilt or fear, because it sounds good right now.  And I will let it nourish me in the ways that only this meal can.  It might not be the optimum choice for my physical nourishment, but it provides a less tangible form of nourishment for me:  It feeds a part of my soul that is needing this particular kind of sustenance in this particular moment.

I had a wave of awareness wash over me as I was walking to town this morning.  I became aware, in a very powerful and specific way, that I want money in my life.  I want abundance.  I am ready to be a magnet for money, and I am retraining my thoughts and patterns toward abundance and away from the scarcity mentality that I’ve been carrying like an albatross for most of my life previous.  (Another recurring lesson!)

I recognize that I am coming to many of the same understandings that my friend has come to this same weekend.  We are receiving similar messages from different sources.  She is getting hers from a group of new friends and new adventures, and I am getting mine from a room full of strangers and a few stolen moments with my Self.

I’m feeling inspired to create a life of wealth and passion and joy.  I am feeling inspired to rediscover my passions.  I am feeling inspired to define my life by what makes me feel most alive.  And to redefine it moment by moment as I grow and evolve and transform.  As with most of the influential experiences in my life, my time in Hawaii is proving to be a chrysalis for some very potent and transformative growth.

I am so grateful.  I am grateful to Pele.  I am grateful to Hawaii and her inhabitants.  I am grateful to the ocean.  I am grateful to Kanekiki and everyone who has touched my life there.  I am grateful to my family and friends who continue to support and love me no matter how strange my thoughts, words, and actions might seem to them.  I am grateful to my Self for being able to navigate these experiences, and for being open enough to go through this learning process and to allow this growth.  I am grateful for being brave enough to be with my discomfort and my fear and to nurture these feelings and appreciate them and give them voice to share their stories with me.  I am grateful for this moment.  I am grateful for this life.

Best Skincare Practices + DIY Home Facial

 

 

Today I’m going to share some of my best skincare practices with you.  Being a skincare professional as well as a woman of a certain age, I have tried a plethora of potions and notions to try to keep my skin as healthy and happy as possible.  Through years of research and trial and error (and, eventually, success!) I have developed a pretty fool-proof plan to keep my skin looking and feeling young, beautiful and glowing.  In fact, I get compliments on my skin all the time – even from strangers on the street!  People are often surprised to know my age when I divulge it, commenting that I look so much younger.  I’m constantly being asked what my secret is.  And the answer is …

… it’s no secret at all!  It’s good, simple, healthy living!  There is a caveat with that, though.  “Good, simple, healthy living” means different things to different people.  In many cases, what is commonly believed to be healthy and natural is simply not so.  It is just the current conditioned way of perceiving healthy and natural.  I truly believe that the way I live is in much closer alignment to true and natural health, and that shows in my appearance.  To that end, I’m going to share my not-so-secret secrets for amazing skin with you right here and right now!  Plus, as a special bonus, just because I like you, I’m going to include my favorite DIY home facial regimen for all skin types at the end of the post … so keep reading!

My Best Skincare Practices are:

1. Get a lot of good quality sleep!  I aim for ten hours of sleep every night.  Most people really need between 8 and 12 hours of good sleep nightly for optimal health (and optimal skin), despite what the current accepted ‘wisdom’ tells us.  It’s during sleep that our bodies are given the time and rest needed to make repairs and manufacture new cells.  This is the time of elastin and collagen production, which are two very important components of firmer, more resilient skin.  It’s also the time for repairing things like scars and discoloration and, yes, pimples.  Give your body the time and rest it needs to heal itself and you will see miraculous results!
2. Eat fresh, ripe fruits and vegetables!  Eating a low fat raw vegan diet consisting mostly of sweet fruits and tender leafy greens is ideal.  Everyone I see transitioning to this more natural way of eating very quickly develops the same amazing results:  a clearing of blemishes, the return of a rosy bloom to the complexion, and a healthy glow that instantly makes them look younger and incredibly beautiful and vital.  It never ceases to amaze me the transformations that can take place in one’s appearance with such a simple (and delicious) change in diet.  However, if you are unable or unwilling to consume only ripe, raw fruits and vegetables, then at least add more of these amazing foods into your daily diet.  Try eating a smoothie bowl for breakfast made from a blender full of ripe sweet fruits like bananas, mangos or papayas.  Then have four or five oranges before lunch.  Add a large green salad with dinner.  Your skin (and the rest of your body) will thank you for it.
3. Stay hydrated!  If you are already eating a largely fruitarian diet, you will already likely be as hydrated as you need to be.  But, if you’re eating any foods other than ripe, raw fruits and tender leafy greens, then you will likely need to supplement your diet with lots of liquids.  Purified water or spring water from the source are, of course, ideal options.  Herbal teas and  fresh squeezed fruit juices are good secondary options.  Generally speaking, the drier your insides, the drier your outsides.  And the drier your skin, the more wrinkles you develop, the more congested your face is (read: more pimples), and the more likely your skin is to flake and crack.
4. Use less stuff on your skin!  I know this one might sound a bit radical what with people everywhere telling us we need tons of different products to fix tons of different problems.  But I’m here to tell you, the less you put on your skin, the more beautiful and healthy it will be.  When we apply a specific packaged product designed for a specific targeted need, our skin has to work hard to filter out all the extra preservatives and emulsifiers and various and sundry other chemicals (natural and/or synthetic) that it doesn’t need in order to make use of the ‘action’ ingredients for which we bought the product.  Those action ingredients may or may not give you the results promised, but with the use of these products come new problems as a result of the toxic byproducts caused by our skin processing all those chemicals.  What cosmetics companies don’t want you to realize is that using all these fancy specialized products actually cause our skin to look worse in the long run than using nothing at all.  A person who is living in optimum health will have naturally beautiful, healthy, young-looking, glowing skin.  Plain and simple.  However, if you are not living in optimum health, as many people in modern society are not, there are simpler ways you can address some of those negative effects of less healthy living.  Don’t wear makeup.  Or, at least don’t wear a lot of it.  If you must use makeup, stick to things like mascara, eye liner and lipstick.  This will allow you to play with a number of makeup looks without adding too many chemicals to your skin.  Also, use simple, natural foods when caring for your skin.  Yes, foods.  Your skin absorbs everything you put on it and sends it into your body for processing, so keep your skincare products simple and clean.  Check my DIY Home Facial below for ideas on what to use to clean, treat and pamper your skin in a healthier, more natural way.
5. Get regular sunshine!  Yes, I know, the current recommendations are to keep skin always protected from sunshine.  But this is faulty logic.  This is blaming the sun for the sins of the unnatural and unhealthy lifestyle.  Sun doesn’t cause cancer.  Exposure to sun can exacerbate already unhealthy cells in a body that eats a standard modern diet, gets too little and/or poor quality sleep, endures unnecessary stress, and takes in toxins by the boatload in the form of cleaning products, personal care products, recycled air, automobile exhaust, and even the sunscreen they are told will help protect them from the very cancer it contributes to.  But the sun, itself doesn’t cause cancer.  Our bodies are designed to work in harmonious conjunction with sunshine.  It is understood that the Cradle of Life, the birthplace of the human species – was a warm, tropical environment.  Our physiology suggests that we are designed for warm, tropical living.  Our body relies on regular direct sun exposure to perform vital bodily functions.  It is unhealthy and unnatural to deprive our skin of that regular direct exposure.  So, here’s my recommendation:  If you are living a healthy, low fat raw vegan lifestyle, then don’t wear sunscreen … ever.  If you are living a lifestyle in which you are eating fast food, meats, dairy, lots of cooked meals, and lots of fats, are overworking, over-stressing, under-resting, are perpetually dehydrated, and using a lot of commercial products for home and body, then use sunscreen.  But, regardless of your lifestyle, give yourself at least 10-20 minutes a day – every day if possible – of direct sun exposure without sunscreen.
6. Find ways to increase mental and emotional poise.  This is a fancy way of saying ‘relax’.  Learn to cultivate equanimity in the midst of the chaos and tension of modern life.  Practice yoga, do some breathing exercises, meditate, journal, take walks … whatever it is that allows you to decompress and detach from your monkey mind … do that.  The stress you carry in your life shows up on your face.

There you have it.  It’s simple, really.  It’s like I always say:  We tend to get healthier, happier and more radiantly beautiful the closer we live in accordance with the Natural Order.  Find that alignment with Nature in simple living:  eating raw fruits and greens, lightening your load with minimalism, finding center with meditation, breathing fully, getting good and ample rest, smiling and laughing often.  Using our natural resources to cultivate health and wellness is always a good way to live.

As promised, here’s a good, simple go-to DIY home facial regimen for those who are looking for one.  Admittedly, if you are living a fully raw, Naturally-aligned lifestyle you will not need to do even this much work for pristine skin.  Still, it’s a nice way to treat yourself to a little indulgent self-care when you’re feeling in the mood to be pampered.  If you are not living a fully raw, Naturally-aligned lifestyle, as most people are not, then you will benefit a great deal from implementing this facial regimen into your regular practice.  In fact, you can mix and match pieces of it to create your own daily skin care routine that will leave your skin glowing with health and vitality, not weighed down with chemicals and toxic byproducts from the commercial tinctures, creams, lotions and potions sold in most boutiques and chain stores.  Enjoy!

 

DIY HOME FACIAL

• CLEANSE – The best cleanser I’ve found anywhere is raw honey.  Apply in gentle circles for approximately one minute and rinse completely with water.  It works for all skin types.  It’s antifungal, antibacterial, antiseptic, and antimicrobial which make it great for oily and acne-prone skin types.  I recommend raw honey because it still has those wonderful enzymes in tact which provide exfoliating and skin softening power.  It’s got humectant properties which make it great for dry and mature skin types.  It’s inexpensive and readily available. There is, however, an ethical question to ask when choosing whether or not to use honey.  Honey is one of those “gray area” subjects in the vegan world.  On the one hand, it takes a lot of bees a great deal of time and energy to produce even a small amount of honey.  For humans to take that honey – and in great quantities – is exploitative.  On the other hand, bee populations have been dwindling at alarming rates in recent years.  Many beekeepers are taking on the role of stewards for the bee population as a whole, fostering careful colony expansion and cultivating species growth.  These beekeepers are supported, often, at least, in part, by the sale of honey produced by the bees for which they are caring.  It is up to every individual to decide if honey is an appropriate product for humans to consume.  If you decide to use honey, I strongly recommend purchasing it from a small-scale local beekeeper who uses ethical beekeeping practices.  If you choose NOT to use honey, African black soap is an awesome alternative that is totally vegan.  It can be slightly drying to some skin types, but is still an all-around excellent cleanser.
• EXFOLIATE:  finely ground oats (preferably organic) OR baking soda – Mix with a little water or 100% aloe vera juice or coconut milk to make a paste.  Apply in gentle circular massaging motions.  Rinse completely with water.  *If in a hurry you can combine the oats and honey together for an exfoliating cleanser*
• MASK:  For inflammation/heat:  cucumber – Peel and thinly slice cucumber (preferably organic).  Apply thin slices all over face.  Leave on for 10-30 minutes while you lie back and relax.
• MASK:  For acne/congestion:  betonite (or other) clay – mix with a little water or coconut water to make a paste.  Apply to face all over OR just in areas of congestion/breakout.  Leave on until it is just shy of dry.  You will feel it beginning to draw and tighten the skin.  Rinse with water.

*Masks do not need to be used super regularly.  At most, I would do one or both of these once a week, but it’s fine to do them once a month or not at all.

• TONER:  rose water or 100% aloe vera juice (or a mix of both) or witch hazel – Apply via spray or cotton round before moisturizing.  This will help to soothe any irritation and calm redness.
• DAY MOISTURIZER:  jojoba oil, or any lighter oil (sunflower, grapeseed, sesame, apricot kernel, etc.), or De La Terre Sun Diffuser – Apply all over to face, neck and décolleté. (De La Terre is a holistic skincare line out of Asheville, NC.  It’s a bit pricey, but the products are super pure and simple and based around herbs, clays and oils.)
• NIGHT MOISTURIZER:  coconut oil or shea butter (or a mixture of the two) – Apply all over to face, neck and décolleté. You can enhance the effectiveness of the night moisturizer by mixing coconut oil and shea butter, then warming them in a double boiler and adding some lavender oil and lemon balm.  Once they’ve cooled, you can then put the mixture in an airtight container (preferably glass) and apply as needed.  The lemon balm will reduce inflammation and acts as a good preservative due to its high antioxidant activity, and the lavender helps soothe inflammation/irritation and promotes skin cell regeneration.  Plus, it smells nice.  You can also just use the De La Terre Sun Diffuser if you like it, followed by the De La Terre Balm (for drier or more mature skin).

The Art of Letting Go

Aloha!  I was cleaning out my computer today (a process that will no doubt take longer than today), and I stumbled upon a blog entry I wrote back in July of this year.  It seems that I wrote the post with the intention of sharing it, but I failed to post it.  So, with a toast to the Better Late Than Never crowd, here it is.  I hope you enjoy it!

Banksy’s Letting Go

Today I want to talk with you about the art of letting go.  I have been doing a great deal of letting go in the past month.  And while I am no expert, I have managed to learn a few things while navigating the waters of this often difficult challenge.

For starters, I’ve been letting go of a lot of material belongings.  I am getting ready to travel for several months, and it just made sense to use this as a catalyst toward a more minimalist existence.   I’ve done this purging before, mind you, but, somehow, in the meantime, I managed to amass more stuff.  (The powers of consumerism are alive and well.)  This has been my chance to lighten the load again … significantly.  I’ve sold, donated or dumped almost all of my earthly possessions.  I’m now down to a mattress, a mirror, a TV and a bookshelf.  And at the end of next month, all those items, save the mattress, will be happily at home with family members who will be able to enjoy them in my absence.  The mattress will be stored at a friend’s house.  I will be living out of a 19L backpack and a lightweight tote bag for at least the next four months.  Letting go of a lot of this stuff was easy, but there were several bits and bobs that had strong sentimental attachments.  These items were most difficult to set free.  When faced with these items, I just reminded myself that the object wasn’t the memory.  The memory I carry inside me.  The object is just a reminder of it.  So, if it was a really strong attachment, I would photograph the object.  Then I could still look to it to spark that memory anytime I wanted without needing to hold on to the object itself.

Another way I’ve been letting go is a bit more personal.  I’ve been reading through all my old journals.  I’ve been writing in journals – off and on – since high school.  (Well, I did have a diary when I was even younger, but it’s secrets have long been lost.)  It’s been a very sobering lesson in self-awareness and a fascinating experience in tracking my growth.  The goal was to read through all of them and then ceremoniously destroy them by burning the pages, thus releasing all the angst of my younger days from my present life.  As I’ve been reading, I’ve noticed my Self attaching to some of them, while others are having no hold over me whatsoever.  (In fact, there are more than a few that I am delighted to have removed from the world.)  A part of me is really ready to release these old stories into the Universe to rid my connection to them and allow for new change and new growth and new stories.  Yet, another part of me wants to continue to hold them so that I can read them again later and remind my Self how far I’ve come on this journey of Life.  Alas, I suppose I will make that final decision when I’m finished reading them all.  The important thing for me is not to get rid of everything, necessarily.  It’s to let go of the things that do not bring me daily joy.  It’s about releasing those things that might be holding me back from living a life that truly excites and fulfills me.

Last week, I had to say goodbye to my beloved bunny companion, Anisette.  That was the hardest challenge of them all.  But, in my heart, I know that it was the best thing for both of us.  She was very, very old and her quality of life had begun to really deteriorate.  I couldn’t allow myself to prolong her suffering out of my own selfish desire to keep her around for my needs.  We got to spend some good quality time together in the days leading up to her death.  I tried to focus on how lucky we were to have shared our life paths for so long.  And in my grief over her absence I am trying to focus on the love that we created together in our little family of two.  That love will always live with me, and will make my heart stronger so that I might share more love with others I meet.

While letting go can be a super difficult process, it is also a great teachable moment.  It is only in letting go of those things whose time has passed, that we can open up enough space for new opportunities and connections to arrive.  This is growth.  Just like plants need to be pruned occasionally to encourage new and fuller foliage, so do we need to periodically cut away the ballast to encourage new adventures and experiences.

What are your experiences with letting go?  How have you handled them?  Please feel encouraged to share your stories in the comments below.

Much love!

Melanie

Let’s Learn About Yoga! (Part 1)

Being that this is a blog about my experiments for cultivating more bliss in my life, I feel like it’s high time I do some posting about one of the experiments that has been consistently paying off for me:  Yoga!

I plan to cover this very broad topic in a series of posts, so be sure to check back often for more yoga talk.  For now, we’ll begin with some basics …

Yoga, as many people will already know, translates to union.  To practice Yoga is to practice the unification of body, mind and spirit.  We practice asanas (postures) to tonify the body.  We practice meditation to clarify the mind.  And we practice pranayama (breathwork) to purify the spirit.  This all leads us toward samadhi or enlightened connection with the divine.

Yoga, itself, has become a pretty vulgarized philosophy these days.  We westerners have picked at it, like the culture vultures we are, and pieced it together to suit our own modern needs.  And just to be clear, I think that’s okay.  That works for some people.  It works for me, sometimes.  But I also think it can be helpful to at least have a basic working knowledge of a thing before it gets restructured into something else entirely.

So, today’s blog post is about sharing a basic understanding of the foundations of Yoga.

I’m going to keep this pretty simple since this is a blog post, not an encyclopedia entry.  However, the philosophy of Yoga is vast and, in my opinion, worth exploring if you get a little free time in your days.

Let’s begin with the 8 LIMBS OF YOGA.  These 8 limbs consist of practical steps for working toward enlightenment.

8 LIMBS OF YOGA:

1. Yamas
2. Niyamas
3. Asana
4. Pranayama
5. Pratyahara
6. Dharana
7. Dhyana
8. Samadhi

Let’s learn what each of these lovely sanskrit words actually mean, shall we?

1. Yamas – These are universal ethical recommendations.  They are designed to make us better contributing members to the World Community.  The more people who practice these moral recommendations, the healthier and happier the World Community becomes.  There are 5 Yamas:

1. Ahimsa – Ahimsa literally means an absence of violence toward others.  This can be expanded to include not just a lack of physical and/or verbal violence, but also a general compassion and kindness towards all sentient beings including one’s own self.  This concept also means adopting an attitude of thoughtfulness about how one’s words and actions affect others.
2. Satya – Satya means truthfulness.  It is the idea that it is best to express one’s Self authentically in all interactions.  The one caveat is that speaking your truth should never inhibit your ability to practice ahimsa.  If speaking your truth is likely to cause great pain to another, then it might be best to abstain from speaking altogether.  More simply stated, sometimes if you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all.
3. Asteya – Asteya is the Yogic equivalent of “thou shalt not steal.”  This includes, of course, material items, but also applies to ideas (intellectual property), proprietary information (secrets), and even others’ attention (the old ‘bait and switch’ schemes).  Aside from the notion of taking from others, asteya also urges us against using the property of others in ways other than their intended purpose, or beyond the expected time of use.
4. Brahmacharya – This yama is most commonly associated with sexual abstinence, but that is a limited interpretation.  Brahmacharya teaches us that it is best to be conscious about how we utilize our personal energies.  To throw away our energy freely and recklessly, either through meaningless sexual encounters or through over-committing to too many projects, is to further segregate ourselves from the divine.  It is best to be impeccable with how we offer our energies to the world.
5. Aparigraha – The lessons of aparigraha are two-fold.  First of all, this yama is an advocate of minimalism.  We are cautioned against hoarding and greed with both material items and situations.  Aparigraha teaches us that if we burden ourselves with too many things, we leave no opportunity for the Universe to provide for us, and, therefore, implies a lack of faith in divine providence.  The second piece of this yama is the notion of only taking that which has been earned.  We are cautioned here, too, of the inappropriateness of taking advantage of that which has been produced by others.

2. Niyamas – Where the yamas provide a universal ethical code, the niyamas offer us a personal code of conduct.  These basically make up a how-to for living a happy, healthy, productive life.  There are 5 Niyamas:

1. Sauca – Sauca is about purity.  Purifying our external environment means cleaning our living space, getting organized and decluttering.  The same can be applied to our internal environment, as well.  Cleaning up our bodies with proper diet, hydration, sleep, exercise and other practices that increase optimal physical functioning is always advisable.  (Using practices like asana and pranayama can help here.)  Likewise cultivating purity of mind and spirit can bring us great benefit. Speaking in positives rather than negatives, utilizing affirmations, practicing meditation, and so forth are invaluable tools when putting sauca into practice.
2. Santosa – Contentment is the gist of santosa.  This niyama encourages us to cultivate equanimity even in the face of challenge.  Doing so reminds us that the Universe is always conspiring to bring us to our Highest Good, and even our challenges are part of that process.  Everything happens for a reason.  The Yogis refer to this concept as karma.  This doesn’t mean that we lie down when we’re being kicked, but rather that we take what actions we can, and accept with gratitude what remains, trusting that all will unfold to our greatest good.
3. Tapas – The lesson tapas teaches us is how to cultivate and control our internal fires.  These fires are both physiological – the digestive fires, the kundalini energy – and mental/spiritual – namely, our passions.  Tapas relays the importance of stoking and directing these fires with self-discipline.  The ultimate goal is a transcendence of suffering as we align ourselves with our highest purpose and passion.
4. Svadhyaya – Svadhyaya translates to self-study.  If we regularly redirect our attentions to ourselves, we are given the opportunity to learn about, and to address, recurring patterns and limitations.  This is the way we grow.
5. Isvarapranidhana – This niyama can be summed up quite nicely by quoting George Michael:  “You gotta have faith!”  Isvarapranidhana is the acceptance of and reverence for a higher power or creative force.  It could mean a belief in a monotheistic god, polytheistic pantheon, the Natural Order, or even Science.  It is the recognition that that force is present in all of creation – that we are all one, and the notion that it is important to pay homage to that legacy on a regular basis.

3.  Asana – This is the Yoga most of know and love (or don’t …).  Asana is the physical practice of postures.  It is through regular asana practice that we cultivate tone and flexibility in our bodies.  The resulting suppleness allows us to sit for extended periods of time while practicing the remaining 5 Limbs.

4.  Pranayama – Pranayama is the practice of measured breathing.  There are many individual exercises for doing this, but they are all geared toward improving respiratory function and control.  When we have trained our lungs to optimum performance, we are better able to foster a sense of connection between the mundane and the divine.  The breath is, essentially, the intermediary between the two, and the more we develop its capabilities, the stronger that connection, and, therefore, the greater our ease of existence.

5.  Pratyahara – The word pratyahara means to retreat from that which feeds the senses.  Basically, this Limb is the practice of restraining our focus.  It’s about keeping our inner magpie in check so that we can maintain focus on living a spiritually grounded life, rather than getting distracted by every sparkly object or idea that is presented to us.  The way to do this is to practice always returning our awareness to the present moment, getting in touch with how we feel in our inner environment about what’s happening in our external environment, and choosing our responses accordingly from that place of authentic awareness.  It is also a useful practice which teaches us to sever the connection between our minds and our senses.  In doing so, we are preparing ourselves for the Limbs that follow.

6.  Dharana – With pratyahara we practiced the restraint of our senses.  With dharana, we are practicing the controlled focus of the mind.  When we are able to free ourselves of the stimulation of external distractions we are able to then start training the mind to disconnect from internal distractions.  This is what we often refer to as quieting the monkey mind.

7.  Dhyana – Dhyana is, essentially, meditation.  But it is really more than that:  It is devotional meditation, or meditation with the pursuit of discovering the inherent truth of that upon which one is meditating.  The idea is that intensely meditating on an object gives one an intimate understanding of that object, ergo, intensely meditating on the divine gives one an intimate understanding of divinity.  And since Yogis believe that we are all containers of Divine Spirit, then it goes to reason that meditating on the divine gives us a more intimate understanding of ourselves and each other, too.

8.  Samadhi – It is in the attainment of samadhi that we are finally and fully merged with the divine.  We cease to exist as separate, and experience ourselves as the energy of all that is.  We truly embody oneness, which is a bit of an ironic choice of phrasing since we are really transcending the physical experience altogether.

There you have it:  The 8 Limbs Of Yoga broken down into what is, hopefully, an easy-to-understand bite-sized chunk.  Stay tuned for more fundamentals of yoga philosophy to come!

Namaste, y’all!

(above photo by Steve Clarke)

6 Key Ingredients To A Truly Magnificent Inner Sanctuary

I’m feeling like I’m an incubation tank for Feelings that haven’t fully formed yet.  They’ve made it through the most significant stages of gestation, but, for whatever reasons, they just aren’t quite yet ready to be sent out into the wide world.

This leaves me feeling contemplative and craving Silence.  I feel a sacredness in this state – like I want to be very precious in my duty to make safe space for these Feelings.  I want to treat them – and my Self, as container – very gingerly and tenderly.

That’s not always an easy feat when living in a bustling community of more than twenty people.  It’s not always so easy to create a silent sacred inner landscape for oneself when one does not have a silent sacred outer landscape to which one can retreat.

Still, I suppose, this lack of personal space is yet another lesson I’ve been brought here to learn.  Perhaps it’s time I spent an equal amount of energy cultivating my silent sacred inner temple as I’ve often spent working on my external surroundings.

For as long as I can remember, I have been a super spatially sensitive person.  I have rearranged and fengshui-ed and smudged with sage practically every living space I’ve ever called home – and multiple times, too.

But, I’ve never really allowed the same efforts toward my internal house.  I mean, sure, I’ve made a few attempts over the years at meditation and I’m certainly no stranger to spiritual study and yoga asana practice.  I’ve even sought the services of a professional inner house cleaner – commonly referred to as a licensed psychologist.

These were all fine and good practices, and were helpful, too, but I never put them all together for any extended period of time with the express intention of healing the psycho-spiritual parts of my Self.  And I’m really starting to (finally!) understand how important that is, and what the key ingredients for creating a truly magnificent inner sanctuary are.

To make a truly magnificent inner sanctuary takes the following:

• Time – It doesn’t happen overnight.  Just as the physical Self needs ample Time to heal dis-ease, so does the psychospiritual Self.
• Commitment – It takes an active dedication and Commitment to the process to continue doing the necessary work when things start getting really real.
• Forgiveness – It’s going to get hard if true healing is allowed to unfold.  The ability to Forgive is paramount for continuing to delve into the darker, more neglected areas inside – Forgiveness of old transgressions (committed by Self and by Others), and Forgiveness of the Self for wanting to find distraction when the Work becomes difficult.
• Silence – Sometimes it takes getting really quiet to hear our inner truths – especially the ones that we might not be so comfortable hearing.
• Permission & Priority – This is a big one for me.  I am someone who tends to focus on the needs of Others and to place a higher value on them than on my own.  But, in order to really dig in and sort my internal affairs, I must first give my Self Permission to do so, and then place the highest Priority on that task.  I must relinquish my hold on the desire to help others on their journeys and instead put most of my energies and resources on meeting my own Needs.
• Love – Pain is what blocks us from flowing fully and freely in the Waves of Pranic Bliss that is all around us.  Untended Pain is what most of us have buried deep within ourselves, until such a time comes when we feel strong enough to tend to it.  Love provides that strength.  Love allows us to tend to those old wounds.  Love is the only sure tonic for Pain.

This is the lesson I’ve been dancing with most closely these past couple weeks:  Only I am responsible for meeting my Needs, and I am NOT responsible for meeting anyone else’s needs.  I might ask for assistance from others, but they are under no obligation to give it, nor are they obligated to give assistance in the way I am asking them to do.

And since my Feelings are generated as a direct reflection of whether or not my Needs are being met, then my power to meet my Needs also translates into my power to determine my emotional state.  This is huge!  No one else can make me happy.  No one else can make me unhappy.  No one else can bring me out of a swoon and into a foul mood.  Only I can do that.  And I can also undo it … by getting clear on what my Needs are and finding alternative paths to meeting them.  I have the power!  I am in control!  I’m driving this train!

While it may seem as if I’m getting a little tangential here, there is relevance in this inelegantly jumbled mass of words and thoughts.

And that is to say that I am feeling ready – even called – to start some committed conscious work on my psychospiritual Self.  I’m committed to spending some time and energy on my Self so that I might get clearer on what’s cooking in my soup pot of Feelings and Needs.  And then it is my hopeful intention to find joyous ways to meet my Needs and authentic ways to express my Feelings.  I have a sneaking suspicion that once I am successful I will have found the magical elixir which will transform the barbed tongues of Blame and Shame and Guilt into the sweet honeyed tongue of Love.

And Love, after all, is all we need.

Thank you for continuing to let me share my journey with you.  I am so grateful for you.

 

Getting Naked In Hawaii

I know that there are more popular topics in the world right now .. like, say, the election of the office of President of the United States, the continuation of war and strife across the planet, the atrocities human beings can inflict upon other sentient beings and even their (our) own habitat thanks to their (our) pesky lack of foresight, the upcoming holiday season … but right now, my focus lies elsewhere.  Right now my focus is on my own present experience.  And my own present experience finds me getting naked in Hawaii.

This nakedness I speak of is both of a literal (read: physical) nature and of a metaphorical type.

Let me begin by stating that I am currently living in the Puna region of the big island of Hawaii.  This is probably the most … let’s say … bohemian region of the island state.  Most of us living here are off-grid, meaning that we use alternative forms of power, usually solar, and we are very conservative with what power and water we use.  It’s quite normal for the residents here to rise and set with the sun, to use composting toilets (or the land, itself) to eliminate our physical wastes, and to frolic in as naked a state as we comfortably can.  Suffice it to say, this is a spectacular place to shed one’s unnecessary layers.

Secondly, let me add that I am living in an intentional community here in Puna.  This community, known as Kanekiki, is one focused around a raw foods diet and Non-Violent Communication.

For those of you who have never pursued a raw foods diet, it should be clarified that raw foods lead to raw emotions.  When one eats nothing but fruits and vegetables in their natural state (with some few nuts and seeds), then one begins to come face to face with one’s own emotions in their natural state.  There is no dulling uncomfortable or challenging feelings with a tub of ice cream, a vat of chocolate sauce or a fifth of tequila.  We have no way of stuffing those feelings back down into the nether regions of our Selves, instead we must just *gasp!* feel those feelings, and do our best to navigate them as gracefully and/or authentically as possible.  It gets pretty intense, that, sometimes.  No more covering up these expressions and feelings … I’m stripping them naked and letting them run around flying their freak flags until they have been so fully expressed that they dissolve into absolute healing bliss.

I wrote a bit about Non-Violent Communication in my last post.  (Check it out here.)  And since that writing I have had, if I’m not mistaken, a total of at least eight NVC exchanges with people in my community.  Some of them have been mildly challenging, but overall pleasant discussions, and others have been deeply emotional, gut-wrenching, tear-jerking, exhausting, heart-breaking clashes.  And I am grateful for each and every one.  I am learning so much about my Self, my Needs and my Feelings and how to better communicate with each and every instance of discord.  With each exchange I am given the opportunity to remove yet another layer of my defense mechanisms.  I am getting more and more naked with each opportunity to practice this new language, and it is liberating.

With all of this emotional unveiling happening, my body has expressed an interest in getting in on that action, too.  And its prayers have been answered in the form of one of Hawaii’s greatest treasures:  the clothing optional beach.  Kehena is a black sand beach not too far from the farm where one can simultaneously shimmy out of one’s swimsuit and one’s inhibitions.  And because people have been getting naked here for time immemorial, there’s no stigma to it, no spectacle.  It’s totally Natural, and no one really turns an eye to the extra few inches of flesh being exposed.  Sure, it can make navigating the rocky entrance to and exit from the oft turbulent sea a bit trickier, but the freedom of feeling the sun, salt and surf against my naked skin is so very worth it.  And every time I shed my clothes I feel my connection with Nature deepening.  I feel like every naked romp gets me closer to being my most Authentic Self.  And that makes me want to get naked even more often.

And so it goes, and my defenses begin to fall away, slowly and steadily, and I begin to get to know my Self even better than I ever dreamed I could, and I begin to see the Divine Light inside of me growing more brilliant with each breath.  And I feel beautiful in all this nakedness.  Mahalo, Hawaii.  Mahalo, Pele.  Mahalo, brave Self.

Big Love, everyone!

xoxo,

Melanie

Learning a new language: Giraffe

We have recently been studying Non-Violent Communication (NVC) here on Kanekiki Farm.  It’s been such an eye-opening experience for me.  I’ve only just begun to have a cursory knowledge of the practice, and already I’m recognizing how pervasive violent language is within the world community, the farm community and within myself, especially.

This latter realization was a challenging one to have mirrored, as I spend so much time and energy trying to cultivate compassionate authentic communication.  I am learning that, despite those laudable efforts, I have missed the mark entirely.

NVC uses animal mascots to describe violent communication and non-violent communication.  Violent communication is represented by the jackal.  Jackals are, after all, opportunistic omnivorous predators.  They will pick at and feed off of anything.  Giraffes have the largest hearts of any other denizen in the Animal Kingdom, so they are the chosen representative of non-violent communication.  Using animals to represent speech patterns may seem elementary, but it provides a clear understanding of the dichotomy of language, which can feel a bit blurry otherwise … to me, at least.

So, as I was saying (writing?), I was surprised to find out that I am a total Jackal!  How could this be?  Well, the answer is that I live in a Jackal social structure, and was taught Jackal ways from infancy.  So, of course I’m a Jackal.  Jackals practice a moralistic judgment-based structure – one based on right vs. wrong, reward vs. punishment, good vs. bad.  It’s a dualistic structure, which, in my opinion, is always flawed because it disregards the in-betweens, the gray areas.

Giraffes operate on a needs-based structure.  This is what I’m understanding so far, anyway.  (I’m still learning about NVC, so please bear with me if my description is rudimentary or even a bit left of the mark.)  It’s about understanding that there are infinite ways of being and doing and all of them are valid.  Giraffes understand that when we communicate with one another we are really only ever expressing our needs to others.  Some of us might be more aware of our unmet needs and ask for them directly and respectfully.  Others of us might be a little less clear, and our chosen form of expression might make it difficult for others to understand how to recognize and/or meet the need for us.

This is when we encounter what we might call ‘suicidal request’.  We call it ‘suicidal’ because the request is presented in such a way that it is almost assuredly not going to get met.  These requests are often so fueled by pain, resentment, or misunderstanding that they come out as accusations, complaints or even insults.  Sound familiar?  These kinds of aggressive communications rarely get us what we need.

NVC teaches us a way to utilize our language in such a way that we are more likely to not only get our own needs met easily and lovingly, but to also get everyone else’s needs met just as easily and just as lovingly.  NVC is about creating communication that stimulates Natural Giving.  It’s all about learning how to get clear about our needs, being open about how they are met, and finding the best way of communicating those needs to others to make it most likely that they will want to meet our needs joyfully.

It can sound a little froufrou in the telling here, but, in practice, it is kind of mind-blowingly effective.  I’ll share more about it as I learn more, but if you are at all piqued by the idea of learning more effective, authentic, and compassionate communication, then I strongly encourage you to research NVC yourself.  Marshall Rosenberg was the pioneer behind the practice and has written many books on the subject.  You can also find some good videos on YouTube.

Do to have any experience with Non-Violent Communication?  Care to share?  I’d love to hear from you!

xoxo,

melanie