So, I’ve been really trying to continue working with the energies of Imbolc as the Wheel transitions toward Ostara. It’s not been easy. I’ve managed to land my Self in a whirligig of over-commitment, burn out, super stress and anxiety, a dwindling quality of self-care, and some misaligned vertebrae causing some pretty gnarly pain and insomnia. Not-so-good times. However, amid all this chaos, I am still doing my very best to look for the joy in the journey, the lesson to be learned or core challenge to be tackled.
I’ve been making some changes – I went full blond for the first time ever; taking steps toward even bigger changes – I’m really ramping up my search for a van to purchase that I can call home (more on that soon); and am working hard to treat my Self to some very necessary healing arts – getting massages, facials, and working with my crystals and gemstones.
This morning, after a particularly challenging week, I slept as late as I wanted. (No alarm clock!!) Then I rolled out of bed and onto the yoga mat where I gently urged my body toward expansion with some delicious languid stretching and moving. I followed that with a re-reading of the description of Porcupine from my medicine cards book, and a Tarot reading with my trusty Mythic Tarot deck. Both were insightful, informative and encouraging.
You may recall that my totem animal for this period between Imbolc and Ostara is the Porcupine. (Go here if you missed the last post where I wrote about this.) As usual, this time when I read the description, my focus was directed differently than last time I read it. This time I was drawn more to the discussion of Porcupine as a symbol of trust and faith – in people, in the Universe, in ‘the process’. Here’s a passage I found especially poignant this morning:
“Porcupine has many special qualities, and a very powerful medicine: the power of faith and trust. The power of faith contains within it the ability to move mountains. The power of trust in life involves trusting that the Great Spirit has a divine plan. Your task is to find the pathway that is most beneficial for you and that uses your greatest talents to further the plan. Trust can open doorways to the creation of space. The space thus created allows others to open their hearts to you and to share their gifts of love, joy and companionship.”
I have been starting to understand, recently, just how much I am in need of Porcupine medicine. I realize that I have lost a great deal of my ability to trust and have faith in this world. This is especially true with people. Being such a sensitive and highly empathic person, I am very easily deeply hurt by others, often without the others even knowing. I’ve created a habit of recoiling from others as a result, always feeling distrustful of getting too close to anyone. This is a sad state of affairs, in general, but, especially so, considering that I am a person who craves close companionship with others. So, in essence, my lack of trust and faith is keeping me from one of the desires I hold most dear.
However! Just this week, I experienced a little Porcupine medicine in action. I’ve been (in my own trepidatious way) cultivating a friendship with a new colleague. She’s been expressing concern over my health complications and waning energy. (I’ve been feeling pretty defeated.) Earlier this week, when things were getting kind of unbearable with my neck/head pain and the continual insomnia was really starting to effect my ability to pretend everything’s okay, she came to me at work bearing a beautiful picture she painted and some herbal tea. The painting was inscribed with such kind words that I cried when I read them. For the first time in a very long time someone actually saw me – not the face of me, but the whole me – and embraced me, honored me, and cared for me. I am most often the one taking care of those around me. I am most often the one making sure everyone else is alright. I am not only not used to someone doing this for me, but I make it difficult for those who try. Not intentionally, of course, but because I am not good with allowing myself to be vulnerable. (I’ve become the wounded Porcupine – using my quills for protection.) This simple gift may seem small and commonplace to some of you reading this, but, to me, it was a paramount gesture of generosity that really set to work the restoration of my trust and faith in not only the world, but in my place in it. So … Porcupine is weaving her magick in my life in more profound ways than I expected. And I am super grateful. (Gift-bearer, if you are reading this, thank you, again.)
So, change is happening. Magick is afoot. And the Universe is supporting me in the process. I hope that you are getting the Universal support you need, too. I’m trusting that Life is unfolding as it should for the greater good. And I am ready to unfold with it.