I’m feeling like I’m an incubation tank for Feelings that haven’t fully formed yet. They’ve made it through the most significant stages of gestation, but, for whatever reasons, they just aren’t quite yet ready to be sent out into the wide world.
This leaves me feeling contemplative and craving Silence. I feel a sacredness in this state – like I want to be very precious in my duty to make safe space for these Feelings. I want to treat them – and my Self, as container – very gingerly and tenderly.
That’s not always an easy feat when living in a bustling community of more than twenty people. It’s not always so easy to create a silent sacred inner landscape for oneself when one does not have a silent sacred outer landscape to which one can retreat.
Still, I suppose, this lack of personal space is yet another lesson I’ve been brought here to learn. Perhaps it’s time I spent an equal amount of energy cultivating my silent sacred inner temple as I’ve often spent working on my external surroundings.
For as long as I can remember, I have been a super spatially sensitive person. I have rearranged and fengshui-ed and smudged with sage practically every living space I’ve ever called home – and multiple times, too.
But, I’ve never really allowed the same efforts toward my internal house. I mean, sure, I’ve made a few attempts over the years at meditation and I’m certainly no stranger to spiritual study and yoga asana practice. I’ve even sought the services of a professional inner house cleaner – commonly referred to as a licensed psychologist.
These were all fine and good practices, and were helpful, too, but I never put them all together for any extended period of time with the express intention of healing the psycho-spiritual parts of my Self. And I’m really starting to (finally!) understand how important that is, and what the key ingredients for creating a truly magnificent inner sanctuary are.
To make a truly magnificent inner sanctuary takes the following:
- Time – It doesn’t happen overnight. Just as the physical Self needs ample Time to heal dis-ease, so does the psychospiritual Self.
- Commitment – It takes an active dedication and Commitment to the process to continue doing the necessary work when things start getting really real.
- Forgiveness – It’s going to get hard if true healing is allowed to unfold. The ability to Forgive is paramount for continuing to delve into the darker, more neglected areas inside – Forgiveness of old transgressions (committed by Self and by Others), and Forgiveness of the Self for wanting to find distraction when the Work becomes difficult.
- Silence – Sometimes it takes getting really quiet to hear our inner truths – especially the ones that we might not be so comfortable hearing.
- Permission & Priority – This is a big one for me. I am someone who tends to focus on the needs of Others and to place a higher value on them than on my own. But, in order to really dig in and sort my internal affairs, I must first give my Self Permission to do so, and then place the highest Priority on that task. I must relinquish my hold on the desire to help others on their journeys and instead put most of my energies and resources on meeting my own Needs.
- Love – Pain is what blocks us from flowing fully and freely in the Waves of Pranic Bliss that is all around us. Untended Pain is what most of us have buried deep within ourselves, until such a time comes when we feel strong enough to tend to it. Love provides that strength. Love allows us to tend to those old wounds. Love is the only sure tonic for Pain.
This is the lesson I’ve been dancing with most closely these past couple weeks: Only I am responsible for meeting my Needs, and I am NOT responsible for meeting anyone else’s needs. I might ask for assistance from others, but they are under no obligation to give it, nor are they obligated to give assistance in the way I am asking them to do.
And since my Feelings are generated as a direct reflection of whether or not my Needs are being met, then my power to meet my Needs also translates into my power to determine my emotional state. This is huge! No one else can make me happy. No one else can make me unhappy. No one else can bring me out of a swoon and into a foul mood. Only I can do that. And I can also undo it … by getting clear on what my Needs are and finding alternative paths to meeting them. I have the power! I am in control! I’m driving this train!
While it may seem as if I’m getting a little tangential here, there is relevance in this inelegantly jumbled mass of words and thoughts.
And that is to say that I am feeling ready – even called – to start some committed conscious work on my psychospiritual Self. I’m committed to spending some time and energy on my Self so that I might get clearer on what’s cooking in my soup pot of Feelings and Needs. And then it is my hopeful intention to find joyous ways to meet my Needs and authentic ways to express my Feelings. I have a sneaking suspicion that once I am successful I will have found the magical elixir which will transform the barbed tongues of Blame and Shame and Guilt into the sweet honeyed tongue of Love.
And Love, after all, is all we need.
Thank you for continuing to let me share my journey with you. I am so grateful for you.