Today was a dark day for me, body and soul.
Yesterday started out okay, but over the course of the day, something happened. I get the feeling some uncomfortable emotions may have been trying to surface, because by lunchtime I was starting to sink into what would be a pretty ridiculous escape into crappy food and crappy tv. By evening, I was developing a pretty ripe headache, that really paired nicely with my excessively bloated guts and inflamed joints.
Good times. (Note the sarcasm.)
Sleep was fitful, at best. The night was riddled with dreams and physical discomfort. The headache got worse during the night. I was apparently clenching my jaw, neck, shoulders and back through the whole of the night. I awoke several times to reposition myself and/or to visit the loo. By the time I awoke in the morning I was facing a bit of a rock bottom experience.
My headache was mammoth. It was so intense even the deep pockets in my ears were pulsating with pain. My body was sore and tender and stiff and no position I tried could alleviate the aches. Needless to say, my mood was LOW.
But, despite the horrifying discomfort of this experience, I am grateful it happened.
I am grateful because it was a very loud and potent message from my body/mind/spirit that the way I’ve been treating myself is NOT OKAY. I have slumped so far down the ladder from the pristine health I had cultivated during my time in Hawaii that I can barely remember how glorious it was to feel so good all the time.
Today reminded me just how poor my state of health has become. How I’ve been consistently brushing unpleasant symptoms aside with a wave of my hand thinking it wasn’t a big deal. How I’ve come to accept a regular occurrence of headaches and body aches. How I’ve let my diet denigrate so far from what I know to be healthy and vital that I can barely even recognize this person I’ve become.
This dark day came calling with the gift of awareness: Awareness that I need to change what I’ve been doing and get back to a more blissful state of health and alignment.
I spent the day eating fruits and vegetables and hydrating with lots of clean water. I started adjusting my weekly meal plan so that it consists primarily of fresh, ripe, raw fruits and greens. I sought out inspiring images, blogs and videos online to help support me when those old unconstructive tendencies try to re-surface. I grabbed my well-worn copy of The 80/10/10 DIet off the bookshelf to re-immerse myself in the principles of natural health and vitality, so that I can keep this awareness front and center in my mind. I was also fortunate enough to have already had a 2-hour massage scheduled for this evening, so that was a sweet coincidental bonus.
Sadly, I was too poorly to make it to jiu jitsu class this morning, but I am hopeful that by next week, I’ll be feeling much better and more able to roll around on the floor without so much pain.
I’m sharing all this as a way of declaring my intentions to be a better steward of my Self. I’m sharing this to help me hold myself accountable as I move forward. There will likely be failures moving forward, but they don’t have to be total derailments. And keeping myself honest on the digital page is one step I can take to help me get back up and moving forward.
Here I go. I begin again. Today. Right now. I’m ready.