It’s a gray and quiet morning. Strange for a Saturday in late Summer to feel so abandoned by the throngs of neighbors and tourists that usually pepper the park outside my windows.
I’m sure, soon, the “Ballers” will make their arrivals at the tennis courts; and with them the familiar and comforting rhythm of ‘ping … pong’ sounds as the ball gets pitched around the court.
I awoke feeling an overwhelming sense of … something … what? Transformation? I guess that’s as good a word as any to describe what I’m feeling. But I feel like I’m always feeling Transformation when I take pen to paper (digital or analog). Then again, I do have an 8th House Sun, so I suppose that makes sense.
Generally I enjoy plumbing the depths of my psyche and soul, continuing to ask myself the probing questions required to continue evolving and expanding on this earthly journey. Still, sometimes I just wish I could have a few moments of feeling at ease, satisfied.
Dissatisfaction is a thematic indicator of being out of alignment for my Human Design Type. (I’m a Manifesting Generator, if you’re curious.) And I’ve really been up to my arse in dissatisfaction this year. I feel like this past week spent with my family, in my parents home, in my early childhood hometown, really helped me bring some things into focus about my life and how I’ve been living it.
It’s time for a foundational change. Not the kind of change I usually instigate … which is really more of a change of external factors like home, city, state, country … but a change in how I operate internally.
I need to change ME. I need to get back to ME, more essentially.
As I’m preparing my descent from the proverbial roof (again, human design language … I’m a 6/2 profile nearing the end of my 6-line middle phase) it’s time for me to naturally start readying myself to re-enter the world on the ground level. To do this, I need to allow all the processing I’ve been doing since my Saturn Return era to come to a natural conclusion. I need to parse through the remaining data and try everything on one more time to see what fits and what doesn’t.
This morning, in the shower, as I exfoliated my skin, I noticed it was sloughing off in excess of what is normal for me. I’m literally shedding my skin.
My plan is to first of all make a plan. Like, a sensible one that is likely to help me navigate this process as successfully as possible. Then I need to make some contingencies for those moments when I might be feeling tempted to abandon my plan. I have learned, over decades of personal inquiry and Shadowcraft, that I am prone to talking/writing/thinking about making changes and then forgetting that I actually have to take action to make them a reality.
I’m hoping to avoid this this time.
It’s Virgo season, now, though. And Virgo is a powerful ally for me. She is ruled by Mercury and Mercury rules my natal chart. (That’s astrology speak, if you’re unfamiliar.) Both my Moon and Ascendant are in Virgo. This is energy that feels motivating and supportive for me. I’m going to harness this magick as I set out on this new (old?) adventure.