As you may or may not know already, I have been having a difficult time since returning from my Belizean excursion. As often happens after travel, my perspective on Self and Life has been shifting. It’s often uncomfortable, but this time seems a little more so than usual. I’m not really sure why. Well, that’s not entirely true. I can hazard a guess: I think all the personal work I’ve been doing to try to positively transform my life is actually working. I think the Universe is telling me it’s time to make a Change. Like, Capital C. And while, theoretically, I’m on board with the idea, I find myself back at the same crossroads I keep visiting time and again. And the same arguments are presenting for why I can’t/shouldn’t make a Decision (Capital D) right now. I don’t have enough information. I don’t have enough resources. I don’t have enough support. I am not enough. With the strain of all this doubt, and the shame that accompanies it, I have been slowly seeping into some old unhealthy, unhelpful patterns like a trekker in a patch of quicksand.
This weekend, I have managed to muster a smidge of motivation to try to start bucking up (and bucking my defunct system). I made it to yoga class this morning. (Insomnia has rendered me too sleep-deprived to wake early enough to attend for a couple weeks now. Though, thankfully, I have managed to practice at home some.) I also decided that I was going to splurge on a little treat for my Self. I gave myself permission to break out the credit card and treated my Self to a pedicure. Not a dramatic gift, but some nice relaxing, make-my-Self-feel-nicer time. (Treacly bit of trivia: I chose a polish named Sunday Funday in honor of my attempts to make today positive and, well, fun.) In a bit I’m meeting a friend about some possible business opportunities. There’s been a lot brewing in that arena. I’ll fill you in more soon, when things start to cohere a little more.
So, I hope your are taking care of your Self today (and every day). Get out there and have a Sunday Funday of your own! Feel free to share it with me in the comments below.
PS: I’d like to take a moment to wish my sister a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY, today! Love you, Sis!